Placing Our Attention On What Truly Matters
and away from what doesn't, but can easily seduce us into thinking it does
Dear friends,
I can get preoccupied by the wrong kind of stuff. Such as being ignored in a WhatsApp group yesterday when I asked a question, which led me to worry it was a stupid one, or perhaps the people in the group (most of whom I’ve never even met!) don’t like me. Or, last week, when a newspaper editor rejected a pitch I sent in, I fixated on how it must have been a rubbish idea, and that maybe all my ideas are rubbish. All too easily, my mind can construct towers filled with these stories, and reside there, spinning them round.
Do you know what helps pull my attention away from such stories? It’s remembering that one day none of this will exist anymore. Not the WhatsApp group (or even WhatsApp itself!), not the newspaper I want to write for. Not the room I’m sitting in right now, nor the London plane trees I can see from my window. And, of course, I’ll be gone too.
When I remember this, the towers of stories tumble down, and something in me relaxes and softens. I realise unanswered messages and rejected pitches don’t truly matter, and I’m better able to sense the embodied life around me: late afternoon light spilling in through the window, the cool, smooth feel of my desk beneath my wrists, the scent of the orange candle burning on this chilly March day.
There’s much in life that is worthy of our care and attention, because plugging into it helps us feel better not worse. Which seems like the right kind of feeling to be cultivating as much as possible of, in our short, precious lives.
For me, it’s worth taking care to chop the onions finely enough for the curry I’m making, so when softened by oil and heat, they almost melt into the sauce. And worth taking care to add just the right amount of coconut milk, lime juice and red chilli to create a balance of sweetness, acidity and fire. These things matter to me, not because I’m trying to prove anything or produce the most flawless dish in the world, but because there’s a joy and a satisfaction in the both the process of creation and the end result. It’s the same when I write, and take time to craft the scribble of an idea into a cohesive sequence of words, sentences and paragraphs.
For you, it might be something entirely different to cooking or writing that feels worthy of your care and attention. Perhaps it’s knitting or taking photos or playing the piano. It doesn’t really matter what it is. But what does matter, I believe, is having those places we can go to where there’s pleasure and absorption in the doing.
This is what the psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi called flow state; one where we’re so absorbed in what we’re doing that nothing else seems to matter. It’s when our thoughts about ourselves and others, or how well we’re performing, fade into the background. It typically happens during activities we enjoy, but require our focus. And to get into a flow state, we don’t necessarily need to be creating: we might find it through watching a film, or talking to a friend, or going for a run. Although, for me it’s most potent when I am creating something.
It’s a state that helps me remember the magic and richness of life. Whereas chewing over ignored WhatsApps, rejected ideas and a million other irks and possible slights definitely doesn’t.
We get to be here, in these human bodies, for a mere flash of time. So it makes sense to be aware of where we’re placing our attention. And to ask ourselves, does this expand or diminish our experience of life?
I’d be interested to hear what helps you shift back into a place of expansion? Let me know in the comments, or drop me an email. I always love hearing from you!
Love,
Annabel
Placing Our Attention On What Truly Matters
True, and I love the flow state I can find when creating. And I return to a dark living room, hungry cats, but oh so satisfied. It’s hard to keep this flow and not get sucked into the „real“ world. Thanks for reminding us
Beautiful and so true...