Why I Secretly Enjoy Washing-Up (+ a short meditation for you)
Reflections on scrubbing dirty pans and clearing out self-doubt
‘I’m so fed up of having to do all the washing-up,’ I sometimes say to my husband. He has a bad back. So standing at the sink is apparently out of bounds. (In fairness, he does all the laundry, a household chore I genuinely loathe.)
The truth is, I actually quite enjoy washing-up. Obviously, there are plenty of other ways I’d rather spend my time. But standing still at the sink, and facing away from our toy-strewn living area, while soothed by the sound and feel of running water is like being in a little bubble of my own.
There are the effortless parts, where all I’m doing is rinsing a plate before I put it in the dishwasher, or giving a quick wash to a pan that’s been used to boil pasta. Parts I only need to be lightly focused on, the rest of my mind free to roam and to daydream.
Then there are the parts that demand my focus: such as cleaning the pan in which I accidentally overcooked the rice, and whose stainless steel base is now coated in browned grains, almost super-glued to its surface. It’s satisfying when after a few minutes of elbow grease, the pan’s gleaming metal is once again visible.
Scouring a pan to remove scorched rice or scrambled egg, or whatever else has adhered itself to it, in order to reveal the brightness hiding behind, brings to mind one of my favourite teachings from yoga philosophy. In Sanskrit, it’s called Anava Mala. Anava translates as small and Mala (in this context) means veil. Anava Mala reminds us that the part of us which can feel small or worthless or not good enough is like a veil. A veil which conceals our true nature: radiant, vast and - in itself - more than enough.
The question is, how do we go about removing the veil and tapping into what lies behind it? In fact, the mere suggestion that we are, at our core, luminous and spacious beings may sound crazy, and a million miles away from how we feel most of the time, as we navigate our busy lives, stamp out fires and grapple with self-doubt.
There are various tools which can help us shift the veils and plug into the space beyond them, and I might share some more next time. One of the most powerful ones I’ve found is meditation. I’ve included a short (7 minute) guided one for you today, which you can find at the top of this letter, just beneath the image. It’s one of my favourite practices for when I’m feeling weighed down by that sense of not-enoughness. I hope you enjoy it too.
As with any relationship, the more time we take to connect, the more intimate that relationship becomes; be it with a another person, a place, or our own centre. Of course, we’re not going to suddenly discover a resplendent space within, and then stay there forever, free of self-doubt. We’re human beings, and it’s very natural to sometimes question ourselves or feel like we’re not good enough.
But we can practice tuning in, and touching that place beyond the doubt and worry. Then, inevitably, we get caught up in them once again. So we practice again. And again, and again. Just as our pans get dirty, and we scrub them clean, then they get dirty again. And so the cycle continues.
With time, as we become more familiar with our centre, we might start to know, with greater certainty, that there is a part of us which feels very different to what we might call our ‘small self’. We might only experience it in glimpses, but, I find, there’s immense comfort in knowing it’s there, resting behind the veils of our more contracted states, just as the sun is always there, even behind even the stormiest clouds. It’s there, and waiting for us to dive in and take a dip into whenever we feel ready.
Love,
Annabel x